


Four Oblivious Gays and a Very Fed Up James Potter

by OTPshipper98



Series: Harry Potter in English [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: (yep both of them), Absolutely Awesome Lily Luna Potter, Albus thinks he's a meme master, Awkward coming out conversations, Draco tries to be a Modern Dad™, Fed up!James Potter, Happy Ending, James POV, James doesn't, James eavesdrops, James is a prankster, James uses the word "fuck" too many times, M/M, Mention of minor character death (Astoria), Mention of past Drastoria, Mention of past Hinny, Mention of the "Alexa Play Despacito" Meme, Mild Angst, Oblivious!Harry, Oblivious!Scorbus, Scorpius loves it, Sibling bickering, The Next Gen kids are truly Gen Z, Yes that means there's one (1) time when James jokes about dying in his head, and memes, crackfic, pining!Draco, puns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-28
Updated: 2018-08-28
Packaged: 2019-07-03 19:13:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15825195
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OTPshipper98/pseuds/OTPshipper98
Summary: “Y—yeah. I mean, it makes sense that dad couldn't make mum happy if he's…y’know…”“Gay.” James finished the sentence for Albus with a sigh.Of coursehe would have to put up with a pair of oblivious gays talking about another pair of oblivious gays on a Saturday afternoon. That was just his life.





	Four Oblivious Gays and a Very Fed Up James Potter

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into 中文 available: [四个不自知的gay和一个狗粮吃饱的James](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16417535) by [Ecthelion](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ecthelion/pseuds/Ecthelion)



> For those of you who might be wondering, this fic doesn't mention Cursed Child at all! Also, there are some Jeddy hints, but whether their relationship is romantic or platonic is totally up to the reader :) 
> 
> Thanks to everyoneinspaceisgay for betaing!! You're awesome!

“Hey, James?”

He promptly sat up on his bed, closing his laptop even though he was doing nothing embarrassing. Just chatting with Teddy and watching a gaming video. He grimaced at his little brother, who was standing at the doorstep with his blond friend right behind him.

“What the fuck do you want, you little wanker? And don't you know how to knock?”

“Language, or I'll tell dad,” Albus answered automatically. He entered the bedroom without asking for permission, and Scorpius followed suit, although he at least looked like he knew he was basically committing a crime.

“The fuck you will,” he snapped. “Tell him, and I'll say you walked into my room without knocking _and_ that it was you who broke the lamp the other day while he was at work. Oh, and if that doesn't convince you, I also know you were trying to use his old broom to fly through the living room.”

His little brother gasped in horror, and automatically stepped back. His shoulder pressed into Scorpius’, and James rolled his eyes tiredly. Merlin, Al was so smitten by that Malfoy boy. And if the soft blush that covered Scorpius’ cheeks at that moment was anything to go by, the pining was mutual.

“Tell me what you wanted to say or go away. I've better things to do than talk to you,” he snapped. And okay, deep down he knew he was being overly rude, but really, Albus could be _so_ annoying at times.

“I—we...we wanted to ask you something.” He suddenly sounded nervous. And not the ‘you're probably gonna be mad at me because I broke something’ kind of nervous, but rather the ‘this is serious and I don't know how to talk to you about it’ kind of nervous.

So James, instead of making a sarcastic remark, sat straighter on the bed and leaned forward.

“Go ahead,” he said.

Albus didn't reply straight away. He looked at Scorpius and then back at James while he fidgeted with his hands, teeth biting at his lower lip. It wasn't until Scorpius’ hand brushed his shoulder in a gesture of encouragement that he started mumbling.

“You…you know how mum and dad got divorced because they couldn't make each other happy even though they loved each other?”

He nodded, and couldn't help but add, “I was there when they told us, you idiot.”

Al nodded in return. “And you've probably noticed that…um.” He glanced at his friend again and then at the floor, “that he's been spending loads of time with Scorp’s dad lately. More than with Ron,” he added in a rush.

James’ eyebrows shot up. He’d half expected his brother to finally come out to him, but that was clearly not the case. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” Al mumbled. “At first we thought they were just trying to be civil towards each other, you know, because Scorp and I are best friends.” And there he paused, so briefly it would have been imperceptible to a stranger. James also didn’t miss the way Al’s voice wavered when he said _best friends_ . “But they seem to get on well. Like, _reeeally_ well. And I—we thought that maybe…um...” He gestured helplessly and glanced at Scorpius _again_. The boy seemed to notice Al was struggling, because he finished the sentence for him, his cheeks turning a dark shade of red.

“We're starting to suspect that our dads may be in love with each other.”

“ _What?!_ ”

Okay, that was probably not the best reaction, but in his defence, James at least managed not to slap his forehead. He was pretty sure he would have bruised himself if he had. Those two kids really _were_ fucking oblivious.

“Y—yeah. I mean, it makes sense that dad couldn't make mum happy if he's…y’know…”

“Gay.” James finished the sentence for Albus with a sigh. _Of course_ he would have to put up with a pair of oblivious gays talking about another pair of oblivious gays on a Saturday afternoon. That was just his life.

“Yeah, that,” said Al, looking at the floor again.

“And what makes you think so?” He asked, gathering whatever scraps of patience he had left. Maybe, _hopefully_ , verbalising the painfully obvious reasons Harry and Draco were in love with each other would make Al realise just how bad he had it for Scorpius Malfoy.

“It's in the way they look at each other.” Albus spoke fast, his eyes suddenly finding James’s. “There's _something_ in the air around them whenever their eyes meet. Like…like they should be holding hands and they both know it.”

The spark that had appeared in his little brother’s eyes shone in Scorpius’ too when he added, “Yeah! And have you heard them talk about each other when the other isn't around? I mean, I don't know about _your_ dad, but _my_ dad smiles like a kid in a candy shop every time I mention I wanna come visit. Like knowing he's gonna see Mr Potter just makes his day, or something!”

“Oh, yeah, our dad does that too!” Albus’ upper arm brushed Scorpius’, and he didn’t even seem to notice. “Oh, oh, and you know what I saw the other day?”

Al waited for someone to answer. Scorpius was busy smiling and nodding enthusiastically, so James suppressed a sigh and mumbled, “What?”

“I saw them drinking tea together and brushing hands when they both tried to get the sugar dispenser at the same time! I swear, Mr Malfoy turned redder than Scorpius did that one time he sneezed during Flitwick’s class and his chewing gum shot out of his mouth. And _that's_ saying something.”

 _You mean he turned as red as Scorpius does whenever you touch him in any way?_ James retorted mentally. He was starting to get a headache.

He considered his next words carefully. His last approach clearly hadn’t worked, so he decided to just shrug and say, “Yeah, that sounds like something he’d do.”

Albus’ face contorted with confusion, and he and Scorpius shared a worried look. “Wait, you're not surprised?”

“I mean, as you've already made clear, their feelings are painfully obvious. I think they're the only ones who haven't noticed yet.” _Please, sweet Merlin, let them realise I’m also talking about them, I’m fucking begging you._

“Yeah, you're right,” Al mumbled. Then, glancing at James sheepishly, he added, “I'm glad you don't think we're nuts for suspecting our dads may be gay. Rose lost her mind when we told her.”

Okay, he was definitely getting a headache now. Really?! How oblivious were these kids? Fucking hell, even _Lily_ knew there was nothing straight about the way Draco and Harry _or_ Albus and Scorpius interacted!

“Whoa, yeah, that was terrifying.” A look of pure dread took over Scorpius’ expression, and _of fucking course_ Albus brushed the boy’s arm with his fingertips for an instant after he talked.

“So, whatcha wanna do about it?” James prompted. He didn't fancy feeling like a third wheel in his own bedroom, thank you very much.

Albus’ eyebrows shot up. “You think we should do something?”

 _Hell, yes_ , he thought. In fact, he should have done something a lot sooner. He’d been bribing Lily to keep her quiet while he waited for them to figure out their feelings by themselves. And what for? Only for Al and Scorpius to notice about Harry and Draco, and not about themselves.

“ _Duh._ I thought that was the obvious next step of this conversation. Or did you really disturb my perfectly happy Saturday afternoon just to tell me something the whole world already knows?”

“The whole world except for dad, Mr Malfoy and Rose,” Al corrected, in an obvious attempt to avoid admitting that yeah, that was the only reason they'd disturbed him.

“Do you have something in mind?” asked Scorpius, not quite looking James in the eye. The poor kid was still a bit scared of him since James had pranked him with a biting doorknob on his first visit to the Potter’s home. At least he was trying to talk to him for Albus’ sake, bless him.

“Actually,” said James with a smirk, “I do.”

* * *

“Hey, Dad?”

Harry swallowed the bit of toast he was chewing and looked up from the Quibbler. “Yeah?” he asked, looking surprised. James didn't blame him. He usually avoided conversations during the morning. They were just too much work.

“Do you know when the Malfoys are next coming over? I want to prank Scorpius and I need to know how much time I have to prepare,” he lied easily. Harry's eyebrows shot up, and James added, “It's nothing dangerous, I promise. It's Albus-approved, and you know he'd never let me traumatise Scorpius.”

James already knew his dad would never get in the way of a prank, so it didn't surprise him when he answered, “I believe they're coming on Wednesday afternoon, so you have two days to prepare whatever it is you're gonna do.” A mischievous smile formed on his lips. “Is there any chance you can let me in on the prank?”

James smirked. “You know there isn't.”

“Crap. Well, I'm just gonna trust you not to do something dangerous, okay?”

“‘Kay. Thanks, Dad.” He waited a moment, then casually added, “Hey, weren't the Malfoys here just yesterday?”

“Huh? Oh yeah, they came after tea and Draco and I chatted for a bit while the kids played. Why do you ask?”

James cringed at the ‘played’ part. It sounded too... _naughty_ , when it referred to two fifteen year old boys who had the hots for each other.

“Oh, for nothing,” he said, feigning innocence. “It's just, Al and Scorpius seem to spend a lot of time together lately.” _And you and Draco_ , he added inwardly, already knowing his father wouldn't even realise James was talking about him too.

“Well, yeah. They're best friends.”

“Of course, of course. But, I mean, I don’t even spend that much time with _Teddy_. And he's like, my favourite person in the entire world. No offence.”

Harry snorted and shook his head. “None taken.”

“I just sometimes wonder if best friends is all they are. I don't know if you get me.”

Harry stared at him for a second, then glanced at the kitchen door and cast a _Muffliato_ on the room. It was unnecessary, of course. James had already made sure Albus would not overhear their conversation.

“In fact, I do.”

James raised his eyebrows, encouraging his father to elaborate. Harry took a nervous sip at his tea, then slowly put the cup back on the small plate.

“Don’t tell him I’ve told you this; but Draco and I have suspected for a while that they're…well, dating. We’re both okay with it, of course, it's just…we don’t really know how to bring it up. We’re just kinda waiting for them to tell us.” He shrugged sheepishly, and James had to bite the inside of his lower lip to suppress a laugh. Sometimes it was really hard to believe he was part of his family. Fucking oblivious, every last one of them.

“Uh…dad, I don’t think Al and Scorpius are dating,” he said slowly. “In fact, I'm pretty sure they haven't realised they’re in love yet.”

Harry’s eyes widened slightly. “Really?”

“Yeah, can you believe?” James muttered, trying his best to tone down the sarcasm in his voice.

“Well, Draco did mention that possibility a few weeks ago, but I just told him it was impossible. I mean, they're just _so obvious_. How could they not know? I think even Lily knows at this point.”

_Oh, believe me, she does. I’m the only reason she hasn't tricked you all into coming out of the closet yet._

“Yeah, well.” James shrugged. “Knowing Albus, he probably won't realise until someone is straight with him about it. Pun intended.”

His dad chuckled, but his expression suddenly became serious. “Wait, are you suggesting that I talk to him about it?”

He looked as though he'd rather fight a dragon again. James almost chuckled himself.

“Well, yeah. You're the one who’s always lecturing me about how communication is very important to keep families together, after all.”

“Just so we're clear, I say that because you always wear headphones on the car,” Harry mumbled grumpily. “But...I guess you're right. After all, what kind of example would I give you if I didn't do what I'm always telling you to do?”

James smiled at him encouragingly. “That's the spirit,” he said. “But hey, that doesn't mean you have to do it alone. Scorpius is a part of this too, and I know having Draco by your side would help you talk to them.”

Harry's lips quirked up at the mention of his beloved Draco Malfoy, and one of his hands shot up to flatten—or at least try to—his hair. “You're probably right.”

“I know I am,” said James, his tone petulant on purpose. “And they're both coming over in two days, so you have enough time to mentally prepare yourself but not enough time to chicken out.”

Harry huffed. “Hey, I never chicken out of anything!”

“Prove it, then.”

“I will,” his dad said instantly. James couldn't help but smirk. This had been easier than he'd thought it would be. “Thanks for the advice, by the way.”

“Don't mention it.”

“It would be nice to have more conversations like this, you know?” Harry added, almost as an afterthought. “We don't talk that much these days.”

“Seriously, Dad, don't mention it. And I mean that literally. You can go all sappy on Albus after you’ve had a deep conversation with him.”

Harry sighed through a reluctant smile. “Stupid Summer Camp. I miss my daughter already.”

* * *

 When both pairs of idiots entered the living room, James was already hiding in the kitchen, right by the door that led to the lounge. He’d brought his phone and headphones with him, so that he could pretend he was doing something in case they caught him eavesdropping, but he set them aside and stood right beside the door frame. He couldn't miss what was about to happen.

“We have something to tell you.” James heard the words with a weird echo, and sniggered when he realised that his dad and his brother had spoken at the same time.

“We just wanted to tell you that—uh, I mean, everyone seems to know already, so this may sound a bit stupid, but we figured, since you and Mr Potter seem to be the only ones who haven't noticed yet…” Came Scorpius’ rushed words.

“Wait, we thought _you two_ were the only ones who hadn't noticed,” Mr Malfoy interrupted, sounding surprised. “You never mention it, so we guessed—”

“We never bring it up because _you_ don't bring it up! We thought you had no idea what was going on!” said Albus.

“Well, I don't mean to offend you, son,” said Harry, sounding sheepish, “but it's very obvious.”

There was a moment of silence.

“Why would it offend us?” asked Al.

 _Oh, boy, here it comes._ James suddenly regretted not tweeting the whole thing in real time. His followers would have _loved_ this. Instead, he leaned forward to take a peek. Albus and Scorpius were sitting on the couch that kind of faced the kitchen door, and Harry and Mr Malfoy were sitting opposite them. James could only see Al and Scorpius’ faces, but the tension between them was obvious anyway.

“W—well, I don't know. I thought it may be upsetting to find out that we've talked about your love life behind your back.”

Ohohohoh. Oh Merlin. Albus’ face was fucking priceless. Why couldn't James have an invisible, silent camera with him right there and then?!

“Wait,” Scorpius said slowly, “ _his_ love life?”

“Not _his_ —” Harry gestured helplessly in their general direction. “ _Your_ love life. As in… _both_ of you.”

After another moment of utter silence, which James almost ruined by snorting, Mr Malfoy talked.

“It seems to me as though we’re not talking about the same thing.”

“We clearly aren't,” Scorpius agreed. He’d turned red from his neck to his cheekbones, and the flush probably continued under his t-shirt. Not that James was interested in Scorpius Malfoy’s bare chest, but his little brother probably was. “And Al and I… we don't—we're not—we don't have a _love life_.”

The fact that Scorpius had apparently been infected with the Nervous Stuttering Syndrome that every Potter seemed to share—except for James and Lily, of course—was almost as amusing as Albus’ face when he heard Scorpius’ words.

“Of course we don't. That's…that's ridiculous. Right, Scorp?”

“Huh. Yeah. Absolutely right. _Yupp_.”

James almost banged his head against the door frame. Godric, they were fucking pathetic. He'd made the right choice by not tweeting any of this—he'd have spent the rest of his days being ashamed of his own family if he had.

He was gonna tell Teddy as soon as the conversation was over, though.

“What were you two talking about then?”

“About _you two_ , of course!!” Albus squealed.

Draco and Harry shared a _look_. James couldn't see it, but he knew Draco had turned a dark shade of red.

“Why would you—what makes you think that Draco and I are together?” Harry's voice was shaky.

“Dad, c’mon, it's painfully _obvious_ . Just listen to yourself. Every time you say ‘Draco’ it's like you're…I dunno, talking about Quidditch or something. Your voice is so… _dreamy_.”

“Yeah, and he's not the only one, Dad,” said Scorpius, looking Mr Malfoy in the eye. “Whenever I ask if we can come here you smile so hard it seems your face is going to break!”

Harry's head turned to stare at the man sitting beside him. Mr Malfoy stared back, and for an instant no one spoke.

“I—” Harry started.

Mr Malfoy promptly stood up. “This is not something we should be discussing here.” Without another glance at the kids, he exited the room. Harry, after a moment of hesitation, stood up too.

“I'm sorry, kids. We'll…finish this conversation another time. Dra—uh, Mr Malfoy and I need a moment to talk,” he mumbled. Then he headed towards the stairs that led to his bedroom.

James was torn apart. He really wanted to hear Draco and Harry’s conversation, but if he moved, Al and Scorp would see him and probably throttle him for the situation he'd put them in. He’d obviously lied to them about their plan to confront Draco and Harry, just like he’d lied to his dad about that prank.

“Al, I—”

“I’m—”

“Are you—”

They talked over each other, and then they stared at each other for a moment. Al put his hand on top of Scorpius’. “It's okay, I'm not mad at you.”

James must have missed something, because he had no idea why Scorpius would need reassurance. Al had no reason to be mad at _him_ , after all.

“I—I know.” His gaze shifted down, towards their hands. He didn't pull away, and Albus’ shoulders visibly relaxed. Scorpius let out a breathless, nervous laugh. “I wasn't expecting them to say that.”

Al smiled back. “Yeah, me neither.” He pulled back his hand to ruffle his own hair. “I mean, you and me together? It's a ridiculous idea, right?”

“Right.” Scorpius laughed nervously again, and an uncomfortable silence stretched between them. James was about to burst into the room and smash their lips together when Scorpius, not looking at Albus, finally mumbled, “I mean, it's not that I haven't thought about it…”

Albus’ head shot up. “You have?”

“I—yeah. You?”

Al nodded curtly. “I mean, it's not that I'm… _in love with you_ or anything like that—”

“No, no, of course not,” said Scorpius, a little bit too fast.

“But whenever we hug, I just…I just get this weird feeling in my chest. Like I want to—to keep hugging you for a little bit longer. As friends, of course.”

Scorpius hesitated. “Why do I feel like you're about to pull the ‘No Homo’ line on me?” He asked with a smile.

Al snorted, and a reluctant smile pulled at his lips. “Probably because I was considering saying it.”

“I knew it!” Scorpius laughed. “Using memes at the most inappropriate times is such a _you_ thing. It's…actually one of the things I like most about you.”

“Prat,” Al mumbled. “How can you like that about me? It's so annoying.”

“No, it's amazing! Just like your hair.”

Al’s hand shot up to his black strands again. “What? Are you kidding? My hair is awful! Yours, on the other hand…” He swallowed so hard James saw his adam’s apple move all the way from where he was standing.

“Mum used to say it was unique and beautiful, like liquid silver,” Scorpius mumbled a moment later.

“I know,” said Albus. Now both of them were staring at the carpet. “I…I agree with her. Always have.”

A slow smile formed on Scorpius’ lips. “Yeah?”

Albus rose his head, fumbling with his hands. “Yeah.”

Scorpius smiled for a moment longer, but then his shoulders slouched. He frowned, still looking at the floor, and trapped his lower lip between his teeth. Al seemed completely clueless as to what to do next, and they sat in silence for what felt like whole minutes even to James, who was just an unlucky observer. Those _kids_ , God. They were so fucking clueless. The only reason he hadn’t already interrupted them to have a laugh was that somewhere very, _very_ deep inside his heart, he had a soft spot for his little brother. And the Malfoy boy, too. He was a good kid, and an ideal target for pranks.

Fuck, but right now he just wanted to smash their mouths together so he could finally go upstairs and eavesdrop on their dads’ conversation.

“Uh…Al?”

James looked back at them when Scorpius finally broke the silence.

“Huh?”

 _Eloquent as ever_ , James said to himself.

“Are we supposed to snog now?”

“I— _Ohmygod_ , Scorp, I—” Albus laughed nervously, and brought a hand to his hair. “I mean, I guess we could? If you want to.”

“I…do?” he mumbled. “But only if you do too,” he added in a rush.

Al licked his lips. “I’m not sure. I think I do.”

_Oh, please, Albus. I’ve heard you kiss your pillow or whatever it was in the middle of the night so many times. Of course you fucking do._

Scorpius muttered something along the lines of “there’s one way to find out”, and James considered his options. _I can either stay here and hear it all happen, or I can…_ he looked around. _Drown myself in the kitchen sink. I’d go with that one if that didn’t mean actually dying._

“I’ve never kissed anyone before...”

“And you’re not about to.” James walked into the living, finally snapping. “Come on, we have to hurry if we want to hear some of dad and Mr Malfoy’s conversation.” He strode towards the stairs and, without giving them time to reply, looked at them from over his shoulder. “Are you coming or what?”

“You’ve—how long have you been listening?!”

“Seven and a half seconds,” he said easily, knowing full well they wouldn’t believe him, and continued walking up the stairs. A moment later, he heard the steps of both boys following him.

“If Dad finds out you’ve been eavesdropping on us—”

“He won’t,” James cut his little brother’s words, “because you’re not gonna tell him. Unless you don’t want to know what’s going on inside dad’s bedroom now?”

Al pouted, but didn’t answer. He knew full well that James was the only one who could use magic outside of Hogwarts, _and_ the only one who had one of uncle George’s extendable ears in his possession.

They reached the first floor, and James gestured at them to halt before they could approach the door.

Albus and Scorpius were holding hands.

“Well that’s an improvement,” he muttered as he walked towards his room. He retrieved the extendable ear and his wand, and the three of them tiptoed towards Harry’s bedroom door, which was, as James quickly checked, magically warded and silenced.

“Be careful,” Albus muttered while James concealed the ear with an easy disillusionment charm his mother had taught him. James shot him a ‘shut the fuck up’ glare. Did the git want to get caught, or what? He then concentrated on slipping the object through the thin gap between the door and the floor as silently as it was physically possible. It took him a few moments, and then he started hearing words.

“I just wish you’d told me this before, Dray. I feel like I’ve wasted so much time I could’ve spent with you!”

Even through his frustration, his dad's voice sounded soft when he called Draco by that nickname. James had never heard him call the man that before.

“Don’t you dare ‘Dray’ me right now!” Draco snapped. “You have no idea how I’ve felt all these years! You make it sound so easy, but when was I supposed to tell you? At Hogwarts, when you were dating Ginny and I was simultaneously trying to murder and _not_ to murder the Headmaster? Or perhaps after the war ended, when your eagerness to marry your girlfriend was all over the papers? Oh, or maybe I should’ve mentioned it the day we met again because our sons wanted to spend time together. Yeah, that would’ve gone well.”

“Draco, I—”

“Or, even better, I should’ve just confessed I was in love with you when we started suspecting that our sons may be harboring romantic feelings towards each other. But wait, Astoria was still alive at the time. I probably should have waited for her to die, now shouldn’t I? I bet her family would have _loved_ it if I confessed my feelings for you during the funeral.”

James bit his lip. He probably shouldn’t be hearing any of that, but he also didn’t want to move.

In the moment of silence that followed, he looked up. He knew Al and Scorpius couldn’t hear through the extendable ear from that distance, and they must be waiting for him to fill them in.

Except they weren’t. Al was muttering something in Scorpius’ ear, and their fingers were brushing near James’ head.

“So you've always been in love with me, but you were never gonna tell me because it’s never gonna be the right time for us to be together. That’s what you’re saying.”

Whoa. James had never heard that much pain in his father’s voice before. He sounded so... _defeated_ . It almost made James’ heart ache, because it was at that moment that he _realised_. His dad was really, madly, in love with Draco Malfoy.

And he’d just provoked a fight between them, and possibly ruined their only chance to ever be together.

Fuck.

He looked up again, just to check the boys were still distracted. They were holding hands, and they’d leaned towards each other until their lips brushed. The entirety of Scorpius’ face was a dark shade of red, and Albus was shaking slightly as he let his free hand explore the feel of Scorpius hair between his fingers.

Well, at least it had worked out right for one of the couples.

“Merlin, Harry, I’m so sorry.” Draco’s voice wasn’t accusatory anymore. It was so _gentle_ James could almost envision him caressing Harry’s arm as he spoke. “I didn’t mean to make you cry. I had no idea this meant so much to you.”

“It’s okay,” his dad interrupted with a sob. “I just n—need a moment.”

Crap, now his dad was crying. Thank fuck Al and Scorp were distracted. He didn’t want them to hear that, and he also didn’t want to stop listening himself, even though it was breaking his heart and making him desperately want to help them. It was all his fault, after all. He was the one who hadn't thought about his stupid plan that far ahead—hadn't thought about the possible complications. And now he'd probably have to move in with Teddy, because there was no _way_ his dad was gonna forgive him for what he'd done.

“It’s not okay, Harry. My intention was never to hurt you. I was just trying to protect myself.” James heard a step and the rustling of clothes, as though someone was embracing another person. “That’s what I’ve always done best. Guess I’ll always be a coward.”

“Don’t say that about yourself. It’s called self-preservation, and there’s nothing wrong with having it. In fact, I could probably do with some of yours.” James heard a low, breathless chuckle that was followed by a sigh. “I’m in love with you too, you know? I—I think I have been for a long time now.”

There was another pained sob. One that definitely didn’t belong to his father.

“I’m so stupid,” came Draco’s broken words. “I should have known. I just thought...Merlin, I don’t even know what I thought.”

“Shh. You’re not stupid, love.” There was a moment of silence. “Uh...I have no idea where that came from.”

And James didn’t, either. Harry had never called Ginny ‘love’.

Draco laughed breathlessly through another sob. “And the worst part of it all is that our kids already think we’re dating.”

“It’s pathetic,” his dad agreed.

“Do you think—”

Someone patted his shoulder, and James looked up to see Albus’ face too close to his for comfort. “What’s going on?” he mouthed.

“Nothing.”

“Tell us!” his brother whispered angrily. James covered his mouth with a hand, but pulled back with a yelp when Albus bit him. He stood up and lifted his brother from the floor, forcefully carrying him to the other side of the hall.

“Are you daft? They could’ve heard you!” he muttered.

“Tell us what’s going on in there!”

“Is my dad okay?” asked Scorpius, who had followed them from a certain distance.

James tried his best to maintain a disinterested expression. “Why wouldn’t he be okay?”

“I dunno.” The boy shrugged, and looked at the floor. “He seemed very upset when he left the living room.”

“Well, no wonder he did! He was put in a pretty embarrassing situation!” Al hissed. “You wanker, you told us they knew we were gonna talk about them!”

James huffed, relieved that Al had saved him from answering Scorpius’ question. “Of course I did. You wouldn’t have talked to them if you knew the truth, now would you?”

“You’re such an arsehole!”

“It’s not my fault you can’t fucking figure out your feelings on your own!”

“Well you could have talked to me privately, if it bothered you so much!”

“Yeah...it _was_ a bit mean to embarrass our dads and us like that, to be honest,” Scorpius mumbled, still not looking at James.

Albus’ expression softened, and he took Scorpius’ hand in his. “Hey, you okay?”

“Yeah, don’t worry.” The boy smiled weakly. “I’m glad we get to be...more than friends now. I’m just really worried about my dad.”

“It’s okay, Scorp. They’ll figure it out,” said Al, hugging Scorpius tightly. He glared angrily at James from atop the boy's shoulder. “Won’t they, _Jamie_?”

Urghhh. James _hated_ that nickname. He only ever allowed Teddy to use it, but Albus sometimes did it anyway when he knew James had done something wrong and could not complain.

“They will,” he assured them through gritted teeth, even though he had no idea how things would turn out.

“What were they talking about in there?” asked Al. “You have to tell us. It was you who put us all in this situation in the first place.”

James sighed. He wanted to keep bickering with Al, but the git was right. They deserved to know. “They were fighting. Draco was mad because dad told him he should have mentioned his feelings sooner. Then...then dad started crying, and confessed his feelings, too. I think they were hugging when you interrupted me.”

Scorpius stepped back from Al’s embrace, looking devastated. “That’s so sad…”

“Alexa play Despa—” Albus couldn’t finish his sentence, because James punched him on the shoulder.

“What the heck is wrong with you? That meme is _prehistoric_!”

“Ouch, you wanker!” Albus complained, rubbing at his upper arm. “It’s still funny.”

“S’not,” he snapped, glad for the change in subject.

“It is! Scorp thinks it is!”

Scorpius nodded, though it didn't look quite genuine. He always looked uncomfortable when Al and James argued around him.

Al raised his chin defiantly anyway. “See?”

“Oh, please. Scorpius would probably like it if you—”

The sound of a door being opened interrupted his words. His dad and Draco walked out of the bedroom, and they immediately saw them standing at the other side of the hall. James’ heart leapt. Harry’s eyes were still puffy. Had it all gone wrong?

“Dad,” said Scorpius, striding towards Draco and hugging him. “Are you okay?”

Draco embraced his son, and Harry looked at them with a defeated expression. “I am, don’t worry.”

Scorpius pulled back from the hug. “Dad, you’re a terrible liar.”

Harry snorted. The sound was quite miserable, and it made James’ heart skip a beat. What had he done?

“I’m really sorry, Dad,” he blurted out.

“You'd better be!” said Albus, suddenly pushing past him to hug their dad too. “I'm also sorry, dad. I didn't want to put you in that situation.”

“Same,” murmured Scorpius.

Harry didn't say anything. He just gave James that parent look that meant he was in huge trouble while he hugged his younger brother.

In a desperate attempt to lighten the mood, James walked towards them and mumbled, “I told you the prank wasn't dangerous.”

His dad had the decency to smirk, though he still looked like utter shite. “You also said it was Albus-approved, and I very much doubt that's the case.”

“That's right, dad! Are you gonna punish him?” Al seemed to be rejoicing in the victory already, and James bristled.

“Hey!”

“Yeah, I’m gonna ground him for the rest of the summer. Don't worry, Al.”

“I'm of age!!”

“But that's not what we came out to talk about,” Harry continued, ignoring James completely. “In fact…” He chuckled, then stopped for a second and exploded in a fit of laughter.

Everyone stared at him.

“I don't get it,” Scorpius murmured.

“Dad? Are you broken?” asked Al, stepping back.

A moment later, Draco started laughing too. His arm embraced his belly as he leaned forward, the other landing on Harry's shoulder as if to regain balance. “Merlin, Harry. Please tell me that was punintended.”

Harry laughed a bit more, then blinked at him stupidly. “Wait. ‘punintended’ as in ‘pun intended’, or as in ‘unintended’? Because it was totally unintended.”

“What're they on about?” Al whispered in Scorpius’ ear. The boy just shrugged.

“Merlin’s bo...ttles, Harry. I don't know why I bother with you. _Yes_ , I meant is as ‘unintended’.” He turned to look at them. “We wanted to ask you if you'd be alright with us being together,” he said without missing a beat. “The reason Harry's laughing like a drunk hyena is that he thoughtlessly used the expression ‘come out’ when referring to us walking out of the bedroom.”

“Oooh.” Albus giggled. “That's actually funny! Can I tweet it later?”

Draco and Harry shared a look. “No, son. I'm sorry, but...this is all very new to us, and we'd like to see how it goes before making it public. Which means, no tweeting or...tumblering about it, or whatever.”

James, Scorpius and Albus sighed in unison.

“Alright, dad. And we're totally okay with you two dating, okay?” said Albus. James nodded, and their dad smiled at them with an expression of pure relief that had James’ heart shrinking with a mixture of guilt and happiness.

“I am too. If it makes you happy, it makes me happy, remember?” said Scorpius, smiling up at Draco. “And I know mum would be happy for you, too.”

For a moment no one breathed, and then Draco was inhaling sharply and pulling his son into another hug. A muffled cry escaped his throat, and Harry, James and Albus turned away from them to give them some privacy.

“I'm really sorry, dad,” James repeated. “Are you okay?”

“I am.” Harry smiled tiredly. “But you're gonna give me grey hairs before I turn forty five at this rate, son.”

“Don't be ridiculous, Dad,” James said, smiling innocently. “It's not like you can get many more gray hairs, anyway.”

His dad shook his head, chuckling. “Very funny, but you're still grounded.”

“Daaad!”

“As for you,” Harry put his hands on Albus’ shoulders. “You be happy, okay? Don't let my relationship with Draco interfere with what you and Scorpius have.”

“Yeah, same,” came Draco's words as Albus nodded awkwardly. Everyone stared at him. “That's what you kids say, right? ‘Same’?”

“Yeah, Dad, but it sounds weird coming from you.”

Draco huffed. “I'm a modern parent, thank you very much.” He took Harry's hand in his. “And I, too, am okay with it if you decide to date. Anything that makes my son happy makes me happy, too.”

Harry smiled at him like he was a river in the middle of the desert. “And that's why I love you.”

“Okay, no, that's too sappy for my poor innocent eyes,” said James, while Albus and Scorpius screamed “eeeew” and “aaaaw” respectively.

Harry and Draco shared a mischievous smile. “Tea?” asked Harry.

Draco smiled slyly. “Of course. That's the only reason I always come here, after all. It's totally not because of you, or those eyes as green as a fresh pickled—”

“Eurgh. Just leave already!” Albus snapped. The two men giggled simultaneously, and walked down the stairs with their hands clasped together.

“Aww. I'm really glad they sorted it out,” Scorpius muttered a moment later. “For a second there, when I saw your dad's face, I thought…”

Al didn't answer, but his arm slithered behind Scorpius’ waist protectively, and he pulled him close. The boy rested his head on Albus’ shoulder and sighed, hugging him back.

James would have left, but his little brother was staring at him with a glint in his eye, and he knew what would happen as soon as he turned around.

“Don't,” he warned.

Al held Scorpius just a little bit tighter. “I don't know what you're talking about.”

James sneered. “Yeah, sure. You're about to use a meme.”

His brother squinted. “You don't know which one.”

“Oooh, I think I do!” said Scorpius, lifting his head. “Shall we say it at the same time?”

“Absolutely not!”

“Yeah, okay!” Al talked over him. “Three...two...one…Don't talk to me or my son ever again!”

“Move, I'm gay...oh, wait.” Scorpius frowned, and then they were both laughing.

“Urgh, I'm out of here.” James turned around indignantly.

“At least we tried,” Al said between guffaws.

“Are you kidding me? Things like this are what make you my favourite person in the whole world!” Scorpius exclaimed.

James shut his bedroom door just as the boy smooched Albus loudly on the cheek. He leaned against the door and sighed. He was pretty sure they were all gonna become even more insufferable now that they were openly in love with each other. He might have to move in with Teddy, after all.

* * *

**Bonus:**

“Hey, James!”

He looked up from his laptop. “Lils! Come here, you little fireball!” His sister leapt to his arms and he hugged her tightly while she laughed into his neck. “Oof, you're not so little anymore, though,” he grunted.

“What the hell, James? I just saw Al snogging the living daylights out of Scorp on my way upstairs! And Dad and Draco were cuddling on the sofa! When did that happen?”

He let go of his sister, but didn't have time to answer. A look of pure devastation had taken over her expression.

“Oh, no,” she murmured dramatically. “Did the gods of gayness visit our house while I wasn't here to witness it? I'm gonna remain a miserable, boring heterosexual for all my life because I was at Summer Camp when the queer fairies did their magic on my family, aren't I?”

“What the fuck, Lily?” James guffawed. “Nah, it was me. I tricked them into outing each other and now I'm grounded.”

She huffed indignantly. “I figured, you idiot. Serves you right though! You should have waited for me to return, they wouldn't have caught us if we'd united our forces!”

“You're right,” he said solemnly. “I admit my mistake.”

“You'd better! Even McGonagall did, two weeks after school started last year, remember? Said she'd thought I'd be like dad's mum because I'm named after her, but I'm more of a troublemaker than all of the Potters combined!”

James snorted. He did remember—Lily never shut up about it, since she considered it her greatest achievement to date.

“Anyway, I'm glad they're all together now.” She raised her hand, and James high fived her.

“Mischief managed!” They said in unison.

She then smiled up at him with a mischievous glint in her eyes. “And now, to get you out of this bedroom…”

**Author's Note:**

> No, James isn't literally trapped in the bedroom, Harry would never do that to his kids! They're probably just gonna sneak out to fly with their brooms or something, and Harry will totally see them and smile to himself with a sigh XD
> 
> Thanks for reading! Kudos and comments are appreciated! (And to my Spanish speaking followers: if you want to leave a comment you can totally comment in Spanish, even if this fic is in English!)


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